Interfering with Salvation
by Aydine
Summary: Buffy get's sued by a vampire, Spike is her lawyer.
1. Interfering with Salvation part 1

**Title:** Interfering With Salvation  
**Author:** Aydin SK  
**Rating:** R (language)  
**Characters:** Spike/Buffy. All Scoobies appear.  
**Summary:** Buffy get's sued by a vamp. Spike volunteers to be her lawyer, which he becomes.  
**Timeline:** Set during season 6.  
**Chapters:** 1 of 2  
**Date:** September 29, 2002.  
**Disclaimer:** All belongs to Joss.

**Interfering With Salvation**  
  
"Oh, no you don't," Buffy ordered the vampire, after she skilfully tackled it down to the ground. "You don't really think you can run away from me, now do ya?"  
  
With a smack the vampire fell on it's back, completely baffled, he watched how Buffy went to sit on top of him. She raised her arm with the stake in her fist, ready to dust this fanged son of a bitch.  
  
"Any last requests?" she asked the vampire.  
  
"No, not particularly," it declined.  
  
"Good. Wasn't planning on granting you one anyway."  
  
The vampire smiled devious at her, only a heartbeat before another individual jumped at Buffy, who pushed her off the vampire. She landed a few feet away, and struggled with the man on top of her. When she punched him right on the nose, she discovered this was nor a demon nor a vampire, and not much of a fighter either.  
  
As the man fell backwards, crying out in pain, Buffy let out an angry groan and stood up. Did a human just tinker with her slayer duties? From protecting the humankind? Is this guy completely nuts?  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" she wanted to know.  
  
With a lot of difficulty, pain and some _"ow's"_, the man collected himself to finally stand straight. He looked kind of formal, with the black suit and his briefcase lying on the ground.  
  
"You were about to kill that man!" he finally answered, as he pointed at the vampire. "And I think you broke my damn nose!"  
  
Buffy turned around, and much to her surprise the vampire was still present. Only the lumpy face and fangs were no longer showing.  
  
"What, **that**? That's a vampire. And it's my duty to kill those. It's my sacred birthright to protect mankind, the kind that actually breathes. Therefor I am, the Vampire Slayer," she theatrically informed the man.  
  
The man stared at her, clearly showing he was seriously doubting her mental health. Then he looked over her shoulder, and gestured the man, aka vampire, to come closer.  
Dubious the vampire approached the neatly dressed man, who held out his hand and introduced himself.  
  
"David Logan, attorney."  
  
"Dustin," he replied, as he shook the attorney's hand.  
  
"**Dust**in? You gotta be kidding me! Did you just happen to make that up 'cause I was planning on **Dust**ing your ass? Or is that actually your name?" Buffy scoffed, followed by an "Ugh!".  
  
The attorney and Dustin exchanged a meaningful look, and briefly glanced at Buffy.  
  
"Do you want to sue this woman?" Mr. Logan asked the vampire.  
Dustin took a moment, actually just a second, to think it over. "Sure," he shrugged. "This should be fun."  
  
Buffy's eyes grew big, she couldn't believe what she was hearing! "Sue me?! On what fucking grounds!?"  
  
"Attempted murder and emotional distress," Mr. Logan replied.  
  
Still befuddled, she answered a couple of Logan's questions. Before he walked off he advised Buffy to get a lawyer, and gave her a provocative smile.  
  
"See you in court, Miss Summers."   
  
"Sued?!" Spike asked Buffy with disbelief.  
  
"Yes, Spike; sued! Sued, sued, SUED! A vampire is suing me! Can you believe it?!"  
  
"Sued?!" he asked again, only much more appalled. "Are you sure you didn't misheard the fella?"  
  
Abruptly Buffy stopped pacing up and down, to face Spike, "Yes, I'm sure! But I'm starting to think you didn't hear a word I said!"  
  
"Oh, I bloody heard you, all right! It jus' seems.. It's.. We gotta nail these sods!" Spike said with a resolved face.  
  
"I can't afford a lawyer, Spike!" she argued.  
  
Spike grinned meaningful at her, and told her to "Wait right 'ere, pet. Got just the thing!".  
He disappeared to the lower level of his crypt, and returned after few minutes.  
  
Surprised Buffy raised her eyebrows when Spike proudly presented himself, carrying a briefcase. Puzzled she studied him.  
  
"Spike, what's with the...briefcase?"  
  
"What's it bloody look like?! I'm - "  
  
"It looks kinda odd. The briefcase and the duster? Seriously non-mixing things," she interrupted him.  
  
"No," he sighed exasperated. "That's not what I mean, love."  
  
"Then what do you mean?" she asked, dumbfounded.  
  
"Pro bono, pet. You just got yourself a lawyer!" he happily announced, and licked his lips the way that he does.  
As she processed this new, and extremely shocking, information, she glared at him, "Huh?"   
  
Next morning Buffy woke in her own bed. She hadn't spent the night at Spike's, as she found her sued self deeply troubled. And felt especially awkward with the idea of him being her counsellor.  
So she decided to go home, to nuzzle up with her stuffed piggy, Mr. Gordo, and take in all these oddities.  
Buffy hadn't brought up 'her ass being sued' to her friends last night, after she got home. But she had to break it to them sooner or later. And today would be it.  
  
She phoned everybody, meaning those who **didn't** live in her house, and around noon they all rendez-vous'd at the Summers residence.  
Giles was the first to arrive, that left everyone waiting for Anya and Xander, who got there 20 minutes later.  
  
As Buffy opened the door, Xander stood there with Anya on his arm, "Hey Buffster," he smiled. "Found something sticking out of your mailbox."  
  
He handed her an envelope, that seemed a little off, in Xan's opinion. "Something's off all right," Buffy muttered as she stepped backwards so her friends could get in. She shut the door and while she walked into the living room she opened the envelope, to find a subpoena. Her face fell, and decided she wanted Spike here as well.  
  
"Ehm, excuse me guys. Gotta make a phone call first," she told the gang, without looking up.  
She picked up the phone, and dialled the number of Spike's cellphone. Surprisingly enough, that was a gift from Xander, well, to Buffy actually. But she _loaned_ it to Spike with Xander's hesitant consent. She had never called Spike on his cellular before, but then again that wasn't so surprising, seeing he only had that thing for a few days and that she was constantly with him.  
She was kind of curious how Spike would answer a phone, or if he knew how to answer a phone at all.  
  
"Spike's cryptic office," he laughed on the other end of the line.  
"Hi Spike," she replied sweetly, and realised how sexy his voice sounded through the phone. Then she remembered that she did talk to him on the phone before, when he called her at the Magic Box for some _grunt work_. "How did you know it was me?"  
  
"You're the only person who's got the number, pet. Well, Xander does too, but I reckon he wouldn't fancy phonin' me. Besides, your number showed up on the display."  
  
"Oh, right," she replied and paused. "I was kinda wondering, if you could come over to my house?"  
  
"What's wrong then, love?" he wanted to know.  
  
"Well, I brought the gang over here, to tell them about the.. the lawsuit. And I.. I just really need you here right now.."  
  
"I'll come runnin', pet. Literally, I'd wager. Keep the door open, so I can burst in, all sizzlin'."  
Buffy couldn't help but giggle at his remark, "Oh, Spike. Of course I will," she then answered.  
After Buffy had hung up, she turned around to catch Xander standing behind her. Eavesdropping?  
  
" '_Oh, Spike?_' You didn't strike me as the phone-sex type, Buff," Xander teased her.  
"Save it, Xan.." she sighed, and walked passed him. Onto her way to the living room she kept Spike's request to _keep the door open_ in mind and left the door on a narrow opening.  
Defeated she plopped on the couch, between Willow and Dawn. Who both gave her a worried look, as did Giles, and even Anya seemed slightly troubled.  
  
"Is everything all right, Buffy?" Giles asked her, concerned.  
  
"Yeah, wasn't there something you wanted to tell us?" Willow added, sharing Giles' concerned look.  
  
"Yes, but I'm waiting for Spike to join us," Buffy replied weary.  
  
"Why?" Anya asked with a pensive expression. "I mean, it's not like you have to reveal the crazy naked sex you two are having, and all. Or that you were in heaven. We all know that, and what other secrets could there be you need to tell us?" she bluntly remarked. Forthright as always.  
  
Upon that note, Buffy frowned, together with the rest of the group. Except Xander, of course, who firmly asked her to "Let's not go there, okay sweetheart?"  
  
"No guys," Buffy started. "It's got nothing to do with that. And what's with you guys anyway? Why does it always have to be about me and Spike's penis?!"  
  
"No, no! Not us, it's just Anya! She brought it up!" Xander frantically exclaimed, and pointed an accusing finger at his fiancé. He then turned to Buffy again, "And please, could you not use the words 'Spike' and 'penis' in one sentence? Thank you!"  
  
At the same time Spike stormed into the front door, and closed it immediately as he puts out the fire that's gradually burned up his trusty blanket.  
After he was done repeatedly stomping his foot on the woven material like a madman, he looked up at the gang.  
  
"So, what's this 'bout me and a penis?" he asked baffled.  
  
"Oh, great," Xander soughed as he helplessly hung his head.  
  
"Yes, I know," Buffy taunted Xander with a wicked smile.  
  
"This is the thanks I get, for buying Spike a cellphone?" Xander complained. "Why did I do that?"  
  
"Because I'm a tall, masculine and well-shaped man?" Spike bantered smugly. "Right, let's drop the penis, and get on with what we all came 'ere for," Spike insisted as he noticed Xander's stinging face and moved into the living room.  
  
"Drop the _what_?" Buffy pointed out.  
  
"The erm..the subject. Drop the subject," he corrected himself.  
  
Buffy chuckled and settled herself on the couch, next to Spike.  
  
"Okay, guys, there's this thing. And, I don't really know how to say it, so..-"  
  
"Let me say it for you then," Spike brutally interrupted her. "Goldylocks got sued."  
  
The gang just sat there, and stared at her, speechless, stunned, baffled, any will do. But then Willow killed the awkward silence, "Oh my God, Buffy, what did you do?"  
  
"I didn't do shit!" Buffy defended herself, a little too harshly. "I mean, nothing.." she smiled sweetly when she saw how Willow's face fell.  
  
"Well, it's rather unusual for someone to sue you 'just because'. There must've been something you did," Giles tried to reason.  
  
"I was about to stake a vampire, and then BOOM, got tackled by a lawyer who convinced the thing to sue me!"  
  
"Oh dear..Does the attorney know he's representing a vampire? And who will be representing you, Buffy?"  
  
"I'm fairly certain he doesn't know. Not yet anyway. And my lawyer? Yes, well, you see..that's the funny part," Buffy hesitated to go on and ogled at Spike several times, and hinted him to tell it himself.  
  
"No, not this time, love. Your lawyer, so you tell 'em."  
  
A little uncomfortable she looked at her friends, and back at Spike, begging to take over. But he shook his head instead, and gave her a comforting and encouraging grin.  
  
"Spike. Spike's my..lawyer," she lowered her head, and expected a few criticising remarks any minute now.  
The gang threw a destroying look in Spike's direction, whose proud and confident smirk crumbled at their staking looks.  
"Well, you're welcome," Spike muttered, expecting a little more gratitude than that, which was none at all.  
  
"Are you that anxious to see her behind bars?!" Xander insulted Spike's skills.  
  
"Hey! Don't you dare talking to Spike like that!" threateningly Buffy rose to her feet, protecting her lover.  
  
"Like what?! Do you actually think Spike can get you off the -"  
  
"Listen, you sod. I've bloody well had it with your insults! Buffy 'ere can't afford a decent defence, and until you can provide somethin' better than criticisin' my helpin' hand, get the hell off my back, monkey boy."  
  
"I'll be in the kitchen," was all Xander had to say to that and disappeared.  
  
"Now, does anybody else feel I'm not equipped for this case?" Spike looked at every face in the room, one by one.  
  
"I.. I don't mean to piss ya off or anything," Willow stuttered, "But how _can_ we be sure you're lawyer-material? I mean, okay, Xan was a little quick to judge, but, you know how Xander can get."  
  
Buffy plopped on Spike's lap, and wrapped her arms around his neck. Sweetly she smiled at her lover, and told the gang to just have a little more faith in Spike, a whole lot more, all of it actually, seeing that they didn't have any.   
  
Three days had passed and Buffy had to appear in court today. She had never been to one before, what was she supposed to wear? Which made her realise she should've gotten Spike some proper clothes to wear as well. She didn't think a worn duster and a briefcase would win the jury over. Well..I'm sure he knows what's best.. she thought to herself.  
  
Speaking of Spike, he had spent the last couple of nights at Buffy's. Nicely cuddled up between his Slayer and Mr.Gordo.  
Actually, everybody staid that night, as Spike would need them in court as well. And Xander's car would be very convenient. Not that everybody would fit in there, but they had 'armoured' the car so that Spike wouldn't frighten the members of the jury, by bursting into court with flames on his head.  
  
After spending 15 minutes for something suitable to wear, Buffy decided to go with a pair of leather pants and a white blouse.  
  
"Will, do you think these leather pants make a homicidal impression?" Buffy asked her friend.  
  
"Nah, you look just fine! Come, let's go downstairs, Spike and Xander are fixing breakfast."  
  
"What? Who? Doing what? Spike can cook?" Buffy's eyes grew big. "Didn't they get into a fight yesterday and the day before? And the day before that?"  
  
"Well, they kinda got into a food fight a few minutes ago, and you know what they say; one thing came to another," Willow smiled.  
  
"So, Aha," Buffy muttered as she walked out of her room.  
  
"Well, it smells good," Willow observed as they descended the stairs.  
  
Willow and Buffy sat down at the table and asked what they were having for breakfast.  
The guys turned around, for the two women to see that Spike and Xander were wearing aprons.  
"Pancakes!" they cheerfully announced in unison, and planted two plates with a lot of pancakes on the table, perfectly centred. They handled the plates so smooth, it almost seemed as if they had been practising this for ages.  
  
Buffy and Willow tried hard not to burst into laughter, but were unable to suppress the urge to giggle some. Willow couldn't stress enough how cute they looked, and Buffy agreed, they did look adorable.  
"I bring you my lover; vampire, lawyer, and chef," Buffy grinned as she leaned over the table for a good morning kiss from the multitalented Vampire.  
  
Just a few minutes later Dawn, Tara, Anya and Giles sat down at the table as well. As they were enjoying the pancakes, they didn't dare to ask about the two slightly effeminate men.  
"Delicious pancakes, guys," Tara complimented Spike and Xander, who exchanged a pleased look.  
  
"Gimme five, mate," Spike said and held out his hand for Xander to slap it.   
  
An hour after breakfast the group was ready to go to court. Buffy, Spike and Giles took the car, with Xander behind the wheel. And the remaining members of the group grabbed the bus.  
  
"So, are ya properly prepped?" Buffy asked Spike, who sat next to her in the back seat.  
  
"Yep, love you," he replied smugly.  
  
"That's your defence? 'I love Buffy'?!" she exclaimed shocked.  
  
"'Course not, pet."  
  
"So, you **don't** love me?" she taunted her lover.  
  
"Knock it off, Slayer," he told her with a serious face, and then playfully jumped on top of her with a snarl as if he was going to bite her.  
  
As if frail, he kissed her neck softly, so soft and tender that she could barely feel his lips on her skin. She desperately wanted to feel his lips on hers, and lifts his head to do just that.  
When the kiss intensifies with lots of smacking sounds involved, Giles's stomach turned and he let out a disgusted groan. Xander ordered them to cut it out.  
  
"**Not** in my car! Please!" he yelled as he looked over his shoulder.  
  
"Keep your eyes on the bloody road." Giles scolded.  
  
Abruptly Xander turned around, to gain control over the car. Relieved that they didn't crash into anything, everybody sighed and kept silent the rest of the ride.  
  
At 11:14 a.m. they arrived at the courthouse, outside they waited for Anya, Dawn, Tara and Willow. Except for Spike, covered under his blanket he ran up the stairs and entered the building like a mad man on fire. The rest of the gang arrived at 11:21 a.m.  
  
The trial started at exactly 11:30, which allowed them less than 9 minutes to get mentally prepared and find the designated courtroom. The search didn't leave them more than 1 or 2 minutes of preparation.   
  
11:29, the gang reluctantly entered the courtroom. Buffy was the most reluctant one of all, but a passer-by bumped into her unexpectedly and she flew right in.  
Enraged Buffy turned around to see what asshole knocked her upside down.  
  
"Watch where the hell you're..-" but she trailed off at the sight of a broad and elderly man dressed in a black robe. That can't be good, she thought to herself.  
  
Her eyes grew big when she realised this wasn't just a passer-by. "Judge! Your - Your Honor! I'm so sorry! Oh crap.." she stuttered uncomfortably and bit her lip.  
  
A little embarrassed she smiled at the judge, and quickly rushed off to her friends. Dawn, Willow, Tara, Anya, Xander and Giles had already sat down at the first bench in the right row.  
As Buffy walked down the aisle, she glared at all the people sitting in the left row. It felt as if this passageway didn't come to an end, but then, finally it did. Standing between 2 tables, she briefly glared to her left just to give a mean look at attorney Mr. Logan and the Vampire that sat next to him.  
  
"Buffy..?" Spike asked concerned.  
  
She turned around and realised she should probably take a seat next to him. Buffy walked around the table and settled on the chair.  
  
"Please rise!" it echoed through the courtroom. "The honourable Judge Mulroney."  
  
With a sigh Buffy rose and stomped her foot on the ground like a whiny, little child. Not much later, and much to Buffy's relief, the judge used his little hammer, ordering everybody to sit down again.  
Mulroney took a moment to go through some of the case files.  
  
"Hm..hm..attempted murder, emotional distress.." the Judge murmured and turned to the table Buffy was sitting at. "Who's presenting the defendant, Miss Summers?" he then asked.  
Buffy rose to open her mouth, but Spike pulled her back in her seat and stood up himself, "I am, Your 'onor," Spike grinned.  
  
"Yes, I can see that. But who are you?"  
  
It was then, when Buffy took a real good look at what her lover was wearing. An unbuttoned purple, silk blouse with underneath a black shirt. She figured it's a little suave for court, but it'll do and he looked so sexy too. She glanced down to the rest of his body to discover he was wearing his casual black jeans and the worn-out boots. She sighed and hoped that maybe his irresistible appearance might throw the jury off, and they would rule in her favour.  
  
"Oh, right. I'm, S..- William. William Galloway. Yes, that's me," he explained to the judge with a cocky smirk. Galloway? Buffy thought to herself and so did the rest of the gang, glaring at each other.  
Judge Mulroney frowned as he took it in, "I see. Well, how do you plead?" In all the confusion he forgot to ask if the defendant would, please, rise.  
  
"Guilty," Buffy happily replied as she rose to her feet.  
  
Immediately Spike violently pushed her back in the chair, and gave the Judge a look that obviously meant 'women..' and sighed with a smile.  
"Not guilty, Your 'onor," he then calmly said.  
  
He sat down again to have a little, but firm, word with his Slayer, "Shut the hell up."

To be Continued


	2. Interfering with Salvation part 2

**Title:** Interfering With Salvation part 2  
**Author:** Aydin SK  
**Rating:** R (language)  
**Characters:** Spike/Buffy. All Scoobies appear.  
**Summary:** Buffy get's sued by a vamp. Spike volunteers to be her lawyer, which he becomes.  
**Timeline:** Set during season 6.  
**Chapters:** 2 of 2  
**Date:** January 7, 2004.  
**Disclaimer:** All belongs to Joss.

**Interfering With Salvation part 2**  
  
Judge Mulroney looked at the prosecutor, "Mr. Logan, call your first witness."  
  
"I call Mr. Cole to the stand," the prosecutor announced as he rose.  
  
Buffy leaned over to Spike and whispered, "Mr. Cole?"  
  
Spike kept silent and pointed at the young and pallid man who rose. It was Dustin, the suing vampire. Dustin took the stand and swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help him.. God?  
  
Buffy laughed at hearing that, "Oh, that's such a load of crap."  
  
"Mr. Galloway, control your client," the Judge insisted.  
  
"Yes, Your 'onor. Sorry, Your 'onor," with that Spike slapped the back of his Slayer's head as he kept a straight face at the judge.  
  
"Yes, well, let's get on with it. Mr. Logan, please continue."  
  
The prosecutor gave the judge an appreciative nod and faced the Vampire with his first question: "Mr. Cole, four nights ago, were you not violently assaulted by a certain individual?"  
  
"Yes, I was."  
  
"And did this individual attempted to murder you?"  
  
"Objection, Your 'onor!" Spike protested. "Mr. Fancy Lawyer's puttin' bloody words in 'is client's mouth!"  
  
Judge Mulroney nodded assent, "Sustained."  
  
Impressed Xander looked at Spike and raised his eyebrows, "He's not bad. Not bad at all," he observed. "I wouldn't be too optimistic, Xander, he's probably got that from the tube," Giles whispered. "Well, I don't know Giles, the last few days he made merry with preparation. I think Spike's got a plan."  
Giles put on a modest smile, "Perhaps. But it's not a given that he will convince the members of the jury. Personally I think he's going to screw up."  
  
"What did this person do to you?" Mr. Logan rephrased his question.  
  
"She tried to whack me with some wooden stake," Dustin answered and pretended to seem very traumatised.  
  
"Mr. Cole, is this individual present in this courtroom today?"  
  
"Yes, she's sitting right there, next to the bleached bum," he replied and pointed at Buffy.  
  
"I bloody well object to that!" offended Spike rose to his feet, "Your 'onor, handle it, will you."  
The judge frowned and faced Spike irefully, "Mr. Galloway, you expect to be treated with respect, isn't that so?"  
"Yes, Your 'onor,"  
"And all the while your client has shown none for me nor this courtroom," judge Mulroney stipulated.  
"I postulate so, Your 'onor."  
"From the beginning of this case your behaviour was quite exemplary, apart from your garments. Alas your demand to 'handle it' was most irreverent, wouldn't you agree?"  
"Retrospectively, I see no reason to disagree, Your 'onor."  
"Then what do you want from me, sir William Galloway?"  
  
Spike cleared his throat and scratched his head, "To grant me the objection towards Mr. Cole's offensive remark. I won't dispute the fact that my request seemed inapt, Your 'onor, but may I point out that Mr. Cole here took absolutely no responsibility for 'is phrase. To deny my protest 'cause of dislikin' my client would be bias. And is that, Your 'onor, a tribunal thing to do?"  
  
Judge Mulroney saw where Spike was coming from and gave into it, "Very well, objection sustained. Mr. Cole, watch your mouth and Mr. Logan, see to it that your client does. You may proceed."  
  
"Actually Your Honor, I have no further questions," the prosecutor concluded and went back to his seat.  
"Mr. Galloway, your witness," the judge addressed Spike who stood up and approached the Vampire.  
  
"So, Dustin Cole, is it?" Spike said blatantly, which Dustin confirmed with "Yes."  
"How was breakfast?" Spike asked with a grin, "Pulsating and warm?"  
Dustin didn't answer, and looked at his lawyer. "No, don't eye at hotshot lawyer, answer the question."  
"I ate an apple and a banana, how's that?" Dustin finally answered.  
"Hm," Spike started. "And you didn't _drink_ anything?"  
"No."  
"Odd. You appear to be a little pale and nervous. Don't you crave for a ravishin' neck, throbbin' and full of life? It's everything you're not, makes you whole," intense Spike studied Dustin who shifted uncomfortable on his seat, clearly showing signs of appetite that hopefully the jury would perceive as well. Spike smiled gratified and continued.  
"Look at all the goodies in this room, in particular your lawyer's well-shaped assistant. That long neck with fine lines of her veins. Don't you just want to sink your..-"  
  
"Objection! What's the meaning of this?" Logan complained.  
"Your 'onor, how 'bout I approach the bench?" Spike requested. The judge agreed and Spike walked over and spoke feeble, "I'm trying to establish the truth, that my la..- client is not the wrongful party. I can see that what I'm doin' now may sound like poppycock, but I will prove my point, sir."  
Judge Mulroney nodded in an approving fashion and let Spike continue his interrogation.  
  
"So, back to the neck. Feelin' peckish?"  
Dustin looked up, and made a disoriented impression, "Ehm, sorry. What..?"  
"The neck, lethargic blood sponge," Spike tried to provoke the thirsty Dustin which urged judge Mulroney into giving Spike a criticizing look. In return Spike ogled at the judge who suddenly gave a loud order, "Sit down, Mr. Logan!"  
  
"But Your Honor, he's badgering my client! I seriously object!" the prosecutor insisted. "Sit down Mr. Logan and I won't say it again." David Logan complied and kept quiet.  
Mean while Spike kept an eye on Dustin, who obviously had trouble restraining himself. But for the moment Spike ran out of clever provocative statements. "I have nothing further, Your 'onor, but I reserve the right to call this sod later on."  
"You may step down," the judge told Dustin.  
  
Xander turned to Giles again and whispered, "What say you, Watcher man? I think Spike just proved the exact opposite of your 'screw up' thesis. He seems to have judge Bulky on his side."  
"Yes, I stand corrected, partially. I sincerely hope he realises that the jury needs conviction. Being judge's pet doesn't mean a bloody thing, Xander."  
"Strangely enough I think Spike isn't as brainless as we made ourselves believe," Xander defended the vampire he usually loathes.  
As if insulted Giles looked up, "Is it possible that during my absence you enrolled the Spike fanclub?"  
"What? Where did this come from? Because I don't see the point in grouching? Spike was right, if we can't deliver something better, it's best to back him up or tolerate his effort at the least."  
"Xander, do you honestly believe that Spike is capable of saving Buffy?"  
"He did before, he kept her from dancing herself into flames while we just stood there and watched, didn't he?" With that Xander put a sock in Giles' mouth, who started to clean his glasses.  
  
In the mean while the prosecutor had called Buffy to the stand, Giles and Xander didn't even notice her standing up.  
"Miss Summers, do you do this often, attack people with a sharpened stick?" Mr. Logan asked her.  
"Yep," she answered as if she was bored to death. "How's your nose?"  
"Fine, thank you. But lets talk about your misconduct. Why exactly did you strike Mr. Cole?"  
"Because he's a vampire. The bloodsucking kind."  
"Why do you think Dustin Cole is a vampire?"  
"It's not a question of thinking he is, I know he is. Just like you will when you find out that all this is just a game to him and so are you."  
"Vampires are a myth, Miss Summers."  
Buffy chuckled, "This is Sunnydale, mister, the _Extraterrestrial Inn_. There is no possible way that the majority of this town has never been exposed to mystical forces. I was making a difference until you intervened."  
"Well," Logan said as he looked up at the judge. "I think I know enough, Your Honor."  
Buffy made an overbearing sound, "I really don't think you do, mr. Logan. If that was the case, I wouldn't be sitting here."  
"Nothing but rigmarole."  
"You're not from around here, are you?"  
David Logan looked away from Buffy and faced the judge, "I'm through, Your Honor."  
  
The attorney turned around and walked back to his table and sat down next to his client. The judge looked at Spike, "Mr. Galloway? Do you have any questions for this witness?"  
"I bloody well do, Your 'onor," he answered and approached his lover. "Buffy Summers, Vampire slayer, Chosen One. Would you fancy tellin' the court what I am?"  
"What?!" she reprimanded.  
"Should I repeat the question? Would you fancy..-"  
"All right. You're a vampire," Buffy vented. Appalled Spike looked up, "Not that, you silly moo!"  
  
In the back Giles turned to Xander and resumed to prove his point caustically and whispering, "Oh dear, I hope this doesn't crumble the pedestal you set asside for good old Spike."  
"Would you stop."  
  
"Well, all right," Spike's voice sounded. "So, let's have a little chat on distinguishin' vampire marks." Buffy shrugged lightly, "Okay."  
"Well, what would those be?"  
"They usually look normal, physically. Well, except for the pale skin. But when they vamp, they have a lumpy forehead, fierce eyes and fangs. They're highly sensitive to daylight, stake through the heart and decapitation," Buffy summarised, almost yawned it.  
"For instance, a vampire has to set foot outside, in broad daylight. How do you reckon they would do that?"  
"Well, covered under a blanket or some other form of sun-proof veil I suppose. Once, there was this vampire, running across the street. He had pulled is trench-coat over his head. And if you think that's the weird part, wait 'till you hear the fizzling sound and..-" she explained until she got interrupted by a ruffled look from Spike. "So, you're sayin', if a vampire wishes to stay _alive_, any and all daylight would have to be shut out?" "Yes."  
"But what 'appens if it does get exposed to sunbeams?"  
"It combusts into ashes."  
"And stakin' or beheadin' a vampire would have the same result, does that paint an accurate picture?"  
"Yes, it does."  
"Thank you, Miss Summers," Spike winked at the Slayer and looked at the judge. "Nothing further, Your 'onor."  
  
The judge told Buffy to step down and Spike pointed out that he wanted to talk to Dustin once more, who was ordered to take the stand for the second time.  
" 'Ello again, Dusty," Spike began delighted. "How ya doin', mate?"  
"Go to hell," Dustin snapped at his fellow vampire.  
Spike shook his head, "Let's not. See, instinctively I can feel what you are. Actually, I don't sense you at all."  
After that Spike turned around to face the members of the jury, "The thing is, vampires have the unique quality to intuitively be aware of humans, because they have something that vampires don't: pulsation. For that same reason vampires know when they're dealin' with one of their own." Spike paused for a minute. A musing expression portrayed his face.  
"Now, gentlefolk, I am gonna tell you a bit about myself, consider it as a relevant demonstration. But the foremost thing is: don't be aghast."  
Spike took a few steps towards the jurors and leaned forward a little, "I'm a vampire." One by one he looked at their faces, some seemed puzzled but most chortled.  
  
"I'll assume you don't regard this as true then. Didn't think you would. But, don't be glum, I've got the evidence right 'ere. Keep your eyes on my muzzle. Here we go," and with that Spike changed into his vampire self. The amused expressions of the jury got replaced by a flabbergasted one. "That's right. I'm a 130 year old bloodsucker," he grinned.  
"But don't fret yourselves, I can't lay a bleedin' finger on you. And I'll tell you why. Soldiers thought it'd be funny to cram a behaviour modification chip in my skull, causin' one hell of a headache at every attempt of hurtin' a human. But him," he shouted as he pointed at Dustin, "He never had 'is chip! Dustin Cole is a vampire, jus' like me. The only difference is that he does form a threat."  
In all his anger Spike forgot to turn back to his human shape, but when he looked at Buffy he suddenly got reminded, much to the relief of the scared jury. "And then there's her, Buffy Summers, the Slayer. Chosen to protect this miserable town, along with all of you."  
Scrutinised he looked at the jury, the judge, the prosecutor and lastly he peered at Dustin. "I hate to remind you, actually I don't, but you must be famished by now. Sittin' in a room filled with pulsatin' necks for a couple of hours straight. Must be crucifixingly hard, I'd wager."  
  
"I know what you're trying to do," Dustin said.  
As if surprised Spike cocked his head, "Oh, do you now?"  
"You're trying to work me up, hoping I jump one of them to prove your point."  
Innocently Spike shook his head, "No, I'm not."  
"Yes, you are, man."  
"Not a soddin' clue what you're goin' on about," Spike kept denying with a faked dumbfounded expression.  
  
"What the hell is he doing? Mocking about?!" Giles observed dismayed. "Didn't I say he was going to conk out? Well, not that he ever really excelled, but..-"  
"Giles, with all do respect for the elderly, but shut up."  
"I.. I agree. I'm sorry Mr. Giles," Tara supported Xander. "But all that negative energy you're sending out, could reach Spike and maybe even throw him off."  
"Yeah," Willow piped in. "You have no idea how powerful those forces can get. What if it manifests, Spike could loose the case. And then we all know who our pointing fingers should be aiming at. Really, Giles, you shouldn't mess with that kind of.. conjuration."  
Indignant Giles looked up while taking his glasses off, "Conjuration? Is that a new euphemism for being pessimistic I haven't heard about?"  
Dawn listened to all the bickering until she got fed up with it and stood up to sit down three rows behind the group. Now, fully ridded of their quarrel she focused on the arguement that went on between Spike and Dustin.  
  
"You're completely off your mark, Dusty cloth."  
"Just admit it. You don't have a case, no proof, and now you're trying to save face."  
Spike started to laugh, "So, you're sayin', there's proof to be collected?"  
"It's not gonna work, asshole!"  
Spike raised his eyebrows, "Beg pardon?"  
"You're trying to trick me!"  
"Meaning there **is** something to trick you into?"  
"Fuck you, blondy."  
Spike turned around to the clerk of the court, "Let the record show: Dustin Cole is gettin' overly defensive durin' questionin'."  
When Spike turned around he unexpectedly lashed out at Dustin, forcefully he punched him in the face. Then he made an apology to the judge, "Sorry, Your 'onor, ran out of frolics."  
Immediately after, Dustin vamped and jumped off the stand to land right in front of Spike. Judge Mulroney, the jury and Mr. Logan gasped at what they saw, paralysed with fear they didn't move a muscle but glared at Spike and Dustin.  
"Well, well, well. Hello," Spike remarked smugly. "Looks like I just got myself a case. So, tell me, was it stronger than yourself?"  
Although the face of a vampire is a contemptuous one by nature, Spike could see traces of _additional_ contempt when Dustin observed him from head to toe.  
"Slayer's ally," Dusten snarled. "Should've known it was you, Spike. I heard about you, man."  
"I'm flattered, Super dust's heard 'bout me. Do I get a plum?"  
"You've grown weak. You were a brilliant and admirable fighter, snuffed two Slayers. But then you got that implant, it's pathetic! And now look what's become of you, sharing the bed with the arch nemesis, the Slayer."  
Spike's grin got bigger with every sentence that came out of Dustin's mouth, "You're not the most original, are you?"   
  
Suddenly Dustin swiftly climbed up the bench, with the plan to take a bite out of judge Mulroney. Luckily Spike took the time to firmly grab the collar of Dustin's sweater. But he couldn't resist to criticise Dustin's choice of _food_, "_That's_ your first choice?! I would've gone for someone more.. well, for someone younger."  
Vigorously Spike pulled him away from the judge but in the process Dustin's sweater slipped out of his grip, causing Dustin to land on the floor in front of the jury. Spike sprinted to the vampire just as hastily as Dustin got up to grab an attractive young woman by her hair.  
"Backwards wanker!" Spike shouted while he plucked him off and threw him on the floor. "Remind me not to suggest anythin'," Spike then told himself and stormed at Dustin.  
But Dustin was faster and mounted the judge's bench again and kicked Spike in the face. Spike landed with his back and a nosebleed on the floor. With disbelief he stared at Dustin. "Bloody hell, the judge again?! Will you make up your mind!" he bellowed and got up.  
  
"Do something, Mr. Galloway! Help me!" judge Mulroney shouted petrified.  
"It's out of my hands now, sir," Spike sighed and pulled himself onto the bench as well. He punched Dustin on the nose whereafter Spike lightly kept Dustin from sinking his teeth in the judge.  
"My entire case was based on provin' that Buffy was only doin' her job, for which she got sued, resulting in this uncomfortable situation. So," briefly Spike looked at Buffy. "So, I speculate she'd have to demonstrate, in case the jury still itches for erm, conviction.."  
Once more he looked at the Slayer, more intense and annoyed this time, "Sure, don't strain yourself, woman." As if she had forgotten her duty, Buffy suddenly leaped from her chair and rushed at the judge who feared for his life, afraid that he was going to die, here, in his courtroom.  
With a back flip she jumped on the bench and adeptly drove a stake through Dustin's chest when Spike held him straight.  
  
Order was back in the court, and everyone had sat down again. Relieved that it was over.  
"So, case dismissed then? Your 'onor? Jury?" Spike looked around. "Or are y'all waitin' for my closin' argument?"  
Befuddled and covered with the dusty remains of Dustin the judge looked up, "I find the defendant not guilty, I don't give a damn about the jury's verdict. I just need to go home and have a good cry," judge Mulroney announced and hammered on the wooden bench. "Case dismissed."  
  
3:16 p.m., back at the Summers residence. "How about that, Giles?" Xander teased the Watcher. "Oh, stuff it."  
"Kudos, man!" Xander congratulated Spike as he walked over to him and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Not saying I love you, but I'll get there if I keep an open mind!"  
Everybody in the room made a face, shortly after Xander did too, "Please forget that I ever said that."  
"Already there," Spike said slightly in disgust while he removed himself from under Xander's hand.  
"Waste of my bloody time," Spike muttered and settled on the sofa. "That's what it was. Really, why did I even bother?"  
"You shouldn't be too hard on yourself, Spike," Willow tried to console him. "You can't protect people from the forces of nature."  
"No, that's not it, red. I just don't see why I even bothered to put my energy into it. If I'd known that the judge was gonna kick the bucket eitherway I never would've strained myself to keep Dusty off of him."  
Anya nodded her head, "Yeah, it was kinda sad though, how the judge spasmed, trying to grasp his little ticker. Such a shame that he had to die _after_ the danger was gone," she sighed. "Well, let's booze it up!"  
The gang gave her a funny look.  
"To celebrate! We won! Or have you forgotten?" Anya prodded.  
"Well, I'm for it. I prefer a pint rather than mournin' over late judge Mulroney." For a moment Spike and Anya glared hopeful at the grievous faces of the scoobies.  
  
"Well, I suppose relaxation would be in order," Buffy shrugged eventually and grinned hesitantly.  
Willow agreed, "Yeah, and we could toast on Spike and Buffy's victory!"  
"Great! Except I'll just be drinking beer. I already did my part in love declarations," Xander jested.  
Tara smiled, "I thought we were supposed to forget that."  
And Dawn figured she'd probably get a stupid stamp on her hand anyway, so she kept quiet.  
"Wonderful, let's get wasted then," Giles added while he was the last to leave the house and shut the door.

The End


End file.
